eK pAgLi Ki KaHaNi

lolx...i noe that sounds sooo indian-ish...but heck, i am yeendian after alll :P nyways, that was kinda influenced by kumar, the drag queen from singapore.. he/she's the awesomest!!! his vids really cheer me up when im feeling blue... sadly, i've kinda watched every single video available already...so, im pretty bored... and u noe, as the saying goes--> and idle mind is the devil's workshop.. or in my case, the idle mind is my demon's playtime with emotions... bleaahhh.... it sucks when all that keeps popping my mind is about how miserable i am stuck here... and that cunning demon actually manages to come up with loads and loads of ideas to escape or to get myself happy..with some* hardship involved *=means alot mostly... sheesh... damn u brain...find something else to think la...always draamaaa-ing oni!! chei! adioz ~shakti~ oh btw, this a pix of kumar, which i think [s]he looks rather gorgeous =)

i dunno why... but keep feeling like i'm losing all bearings in life again.. and this time, i cant even find any way to get back on track again.. or if i do...it somehow doesnt feel like its the right track.. anything and everything i've been doing the last few days feels so mundane, and unreal.. everything sucks big time now.... this is getting me anxious more than usual.. nothing seems to be working to calm my mind :( i tried meditation..watching comedy... read some new fiction books..or even do what i'm doing best now.. my photography...plus editing...but all these are just leaving me unsettled :( *sigh* adioz ~shakti~

i might as well get hit by train at this rate... sometimes i feel like i've misjudged my parents.. cos they are pretty okay (at certain times).. but somehow i keep feeling like a misfit... and when they do stuff that is sooo not what i'm wanting.. that's when it pisses me off..(they had been doing that alot quite lately) and then out of the blue, this week, they had gotten me alot of things during their weekly grocery shopping rounds *they've been leaving MY stuff out of the list for the month... so, this kinda threw me off abit.. and it got me thinking, maybe i'm the one misunderstanding them alot.. *sigh* but this battle will never end for sure...atleast until the day i can fully be open with them.. which is goodness knows when... also, i have my stupid demons that keep appearing during the times when i have my PMS.. they suck BIG time! cos, all wud end up thinking in my head is all the stuff i that i have been meaning/wanting to tell my paren

this past weeks... some thoughts have been bugging my mind actually... i'd been thinking of what had or has gone wrong in my fam.. wondering why some of the things in my fam are they way they are now... when it shouldnt be... i know how this is gonna sound stupid, but when i had been thinking alot.. a thought about me being a girl in the family struck my mind... in terms of, maybe my parents had wanted the eldest to be a boy...but instead they got me...a girl.. i know it sounds so sexist at this age and era.. but hey, i'm from an indian family... and in some, they're still pretty sexists...where the boy is placed with more importance than the girl the reason this crossed my mind was because Gender is a chapter in my Sociology class... how gender can affect alot of things...even in the contemporary world... even though my family is not like that...but alot of things had got me thinking of how and why some (actually many) things had changed in my family..

nyways...here i am... back with the blogs... been doing some cleaning up on my blog posts and shifting them to the appropriate blogs :P (i felt that some of the stuff i posted here were kinda OTT) i guess this is just gonna be a starter for all my lame posts and my weird thoughts... oh well... adioz ~shakti~