chaos in the midst of confusion

so much of chaos in the midst of my existing confusion...
all the problems seem to be just adding and adding...
but i dont see any signs of it dissipating
worse, i cant find the solution for all these...
how i wish it was all an illusion...

not all problem are without a solution...
perhaps, there are one or two...
it will probably take a while...
but the aftermath of it is what i'm gonna hate...
cos, its not gonna be good

having to explain and explain...
and explain and explain till my throat's all dry...
dealing with all the looks of disbelief for what had happened...
with them thinking that it cud all be a lie...

what went wrong?
why it went wrong?
how it went wrong?
what was the cause of it?
who is to blame?
why was i so careless?
when will all of this resolve?

questions after questions...
how much more do i need to do....
just prove myself
i know i am not perfect
but judging me this way is not helping
its only makes things worse

so much talks
about what to do
and how to do
but no one talks
about the money that is needed to do

*sigh*

another day
another dawn
another dusk
another night

constant
yet different...

i know i still have a long way to go


adioz
~shakti~

fuck fuck fuck!

how could i have been so careless???!!!
thanks to me, everything is gonna go down the drain!!
fuck la!!

and all of these have to happen last minute...
so much of chaos now...
aaarggghhhh!!
and i've no idea how am i gonna deal with all this...
damn!!! can i just renounce the damn world n be a nun instead???
i think my life will become easier.. T_T


fml
adioz
~shakti~

Avalin ulagathil avan illai...

avan irunthal enna?
illaavittaal enna?
aval poruttha varai,
avalin ulagathil avan illai.

karanam?
neram.
avan porutha varai...
oru naalin iruvatthi-naangu mani neram patravillai.

aval porutha varai,
ithellam poi.
yetharkkaage ivallo nadippu,
nanbargalukku ivvalo mukiyam koduppathatku.

aval keattathellam un manam,
unnudan, sila neram...
avalukkaage, konjem neram othukki vaikka.
aanal, avalaiyeh othikkivaikkapattaal.

avallukku ithellam porutthu poga,
ithu avalin thalai vidhi alla.
avalukku thann meethu nambikkai undu,
avanillamal, aval vazhkai nadathuvathatku.

sila varudangallukku pinbu ullavalaage irunthaal,
aval manam udainthu, kanneerudan iruppaal.
avanaiyo ninainthu ninaithu urugi irunthiruppaal.
avanaiye yaasithu kondiruppaal.

aanal,
aval maarittaal.
maatha kanakaana sothanaigalaal,
aval than sontha kaalil nitka katrukondaal.

avan illaathe pothilum,
aval thanimayil irunthaalum,
avallukku thunbam illai,
sontha paathai edutthathaku, varuttham illai.

ini avan irunthal enna?
illavittal enna?
aval poruttha varai,
avalin ulagathil avan illai.

~shakti~