eK pAgLi Ki KaHaNi

i realise that i've lost myself in the process of getting where i am now... and i dont what to do to find myself again...

have you ever woken up...one day.. feeling all the inadequacy that has been repressed by you...for such a long time... all the while thinking that you have enough and you are living... but when that inadequacy thought hit you... you felt like...what am i doing? how have i been surviving all this while with so little? dont i deserve more than what i have been given? i felt that yesterday... and it kinda kills me every time when i get this feeling... it makes me feel rather worthless and coupled with the fact that i'm being dependent on others for cash and a living...bleagghhh... especially when the amount that is given is fine...to survive well.. but not enough to really live... now i understood why my cousins had asked me if my previous amount was substantial enough to live.. i didnt understand that then...i figured they we re just worried that i wont be able to survive with that amount... and it was yesterday that i realized... there's a difference betwe

i had a very vivid dream 2day... of my friend JA... i find the dream kinda weird because...i've barely had any vivid dreams since i came to this house... and then the fact that it was during an afternoon nap...featuring a person whom i've never had dreams of before...weird... so anyways...this was how i remember it going... i had placed my bags in a train...and i was walking ahead past the train for some random reason... and then, i realised that something was wrong...so, when i turned back, i saw that "my" train was moving ahead and in another train that was in front (but in a different track), was JA... i had seen him, but i was definitely ignoring him for some reason and so i started running to get to the train...and for some weird reason, i had 'overshot' the entrance and now i had to race in parallel with the train to get in.. but unfortunately i missed it (by this stage the train had morphed into a mini bus and the place ha

despite all the heavy feelings the past two days... i'm feeling quite inspired and energised today... even though i have a major exam on monday *i have yet to study for it* :P i do wonder why it feels like this... but one shouldn't question the good stuff... i guess this is how it should be.. ~ when life's good...enjoy it while it lasts... adioz ~shakti~