eK pAgLi Ki KaHaNi

hmmm... reality vs dreams... i had once said to myself that alternating between dreams n reality is fine.. as long as the lines between those two are defined... but the problem now is.. that i can feel n see that the line is blurring... slowly...but surely... and i am not liking this at all... especially when staying in the dreamspace feels more..'live-able' when compared to my reality... when i'm in my reality... im faced with all my problems... worries... responsibilities.. and heartaches... but in my dreamspace... none of these exist... no worries.. no responsibilities.. only imaginations...*and possibility of random remnants of my experiences as well* basically...nothing else... and the comfortable feeling of woozi-ness.. which i can only achieve it when i'm in my sleep mode.. priceless... but... endlessness in dreamspace is also scary.. when the outcome is always uncertain.. where u never kn

*sigh* feels like the past few days have been routine-like.. except for monday...managed to get out of the house... and met up with one of my uni mates...(B*n* R.) -- thanks deyh...i had a great time with u.. we seriously shud hang out often la... :P nyways...been feeling kinda extra bored... i thot my sleep cycle was altered back to normal.. but 2day proved wrong...bleahh.. need to re-route it again... i feel like i'm forever stuck in the wrong timezone... i feel like i'm worse than an owl... waking in the noon.. falling asleep at sunrise... life feels so mundane right now.. and this is not what i want.. i want something more...and meaningful... but i guess, it wont happen... yet... *sigh* one can always hope... adioz ~shakti~

'twas a lovely feeling yesterday... however temporary... that we bonded.. as a family... over a movie..  how i wish... it cud always.. be like this... adioz ~shakti~ *movie that we were watching: Frighteners

goodness knows what the hell is happening in my tummy... but it is NOT GOOD! -------------------------------------------------------- seriously.. i dunno why, but i woke up around 8am and felt like i need to puke... since i didnt wanna run to the toilet n startle everyone, i sat up on my bed, leaning on the cold wall...hoping that whatever that was moving upwards.. would go back down.. thankfully it did.. but it kinda left me unsettled.. managed to get back to sleep... ---------------------------------------------------------- later when i woke up at abt 2pm...i still felt uneasy... coffee didnt help... lunch definitely was a bonus...but no effect... still dunno wat was causing this weird reaction... ------------------------------------------------------------ now...at 6pm..i still feel queasy.. bleahhh...n i dunno even noe what is the cause... aarrggghhh... adioz ~shakti~

watching this film again a long time made have the goosebumps all over again... even though i had watched it a couple of times before...it somehow felt that i had missed out on numerous parts of the movie before this... but as before, this movie was very inspiring for me.. and this time, i felt extra extra inspired... especially about the meteoric rise and fall... and the struggle to rise out from the ashes like a phoenix... somehow it feels as though one must hit rock bottom first before being able to come up and reach for the 'destined' success...is that true? cant a person reach success the same way even though they did not quite hit the 'rock bottom' part of their life? something that i was just wondering... seeing how i feel like i need to break free from my life... but neither have i hit success nor hit rock bottom.. hmmm... but i do have a wish... and that is to achieve success in my dreams and in all that i believe in..

geez! so much hype and kecoh-ness just cos its a palindrome date.. if one wants a memorable date, then they should go out and make it memorable! do something! create! enjoy! have laughs! bond with your family, friends and loved ones! not keep posting stuff about how cool the number is in ur social networking site.. bleaghh... as for me, i dun give a damn... i noe it's harsh...but if i had wanted to make it memorable, i wud... (it is definitely gonna be now...since i'm posting crap abt it here =P ) although this was not my intention of remembering or documenting it.. but too bad...i'm not in any state to do anything today... so to all those folks out there.. have gud day.. hopefully it will a memorable day for you.. adioz ~shakti~

wtf! some blaady bitch just sent me a hate mail in my social networking site.. just cos she didnt like wat i wrote on my profile... FARK OFF la u! I dun give a DAMN! MY profile MY wall MY WISH la what i wanna write! ko sibuk2 sumbat batang hidung kau kat profile aku apsal? jobless right? for the record, i speak my mind and show my true self! not like u b*tch, posting a celebrity's photo as ur own profile picture.. and trying to behave like some traditional indian prude! get a LIFE! adioz ~shakti~

a letter that i'm gonna write today...which only god and time will tell if u get to see this letter or not... Dear Amma & Appa, i want to apologise to both of you for all my behaviours for the past 22yrs of my life... now i know how is that you view me  - a selfish ingrate, something that i never saw myself as... thank you for showing how i have behaved all this while... i'm sorry that all these years i have lied so much to you...about so many things, my feelings, my life, my opinions, my true self... i'm sorry for not being the child that you've always wanted me to be... i'm sorry always asking and not giving back... i'm sorry for always promising to do things, but in the end i never do it... i'm sorry for disappointing you... i wish i could explain everything that has happened... but i realised that it will only sound like excuses... all i can say for now is that...i'm sorry... love, your daughter...

i is the having the damn yoouu STRESS!!!