Quotes...

“I think she was afraid to love sometimes. I think it scared her. She was the type to like things that are concrete, like the ocean. Something you could point to and know what it was. I think that's why she always struggled with God. And I think that's why she also struggled with love. She couldn't touch it. She couldn't hold on to it and make sure it never changed."

"Sometimes it's those things you can't touch that you need to hold on to the most.” 
― Carrie Ryan, The Dead-Tossed Waves

i guess this is how i feel...although i dont have anything against God. i do believe. yet, it is the love that is now letting me down...i can see why i was, am and will be afraid of love...
its the fear of being rejected, let down, or let go....



“Suddenly, all I can think about are all the things I don't know about him. All the things I never had time to learn. I don't know if his feet are ticklish or how long his toes are. I don't know what nightmares he had as a child. I don't know which stars are his favorites, what shapes he sees in the clouds. I don't know what he is truly afraid of or what memories he holds closest. 
And I don't have enough time now, never enough time. I want to be in the moment with him, feel his body against mine and think of nothing else, but my mind explodes with grief for all that I am missing. All that I will miss. All that I have wasted.” 
― Carrie Ryan, The Forest of Hands and Teeth

all i could think about was only him...and only him...
for how much i am missing him and missing out on his life as he is with my life...
i'm truly truly enveloped by the sadness of not being able to share my life with him...
but the worse part, i dont even know if he feels the same....



“I want to sleep, I want dreams to pull me from this world and make me forget. To stop the memories from swirling around me. To put an end to this ache that consumes me.” 
― Carrie Ryan, The Forest of Hands and Teeth

at the end of the day...all i want is a sound sleep without any thoughts, dreams or feelings...
because, having to deal with it when i am conscious is bad enough...
no more heartache...no more pain...i just want to be unconscious....



adioz
~shakti~