29 days left...

time flies...no matter what..

yeah...that's about a months worth of time left..
before the new year begins..

as sarcastic as i am when it comes to reminiscing, regretting and resolution making..
i still do it...not all three though (i hate resolution making - i might cover that in another post in the future)

anyways,
why i do this to myself, i aso dunno la...
and when i think abt it...i'll be like, why the heck i did/didnt do that...
after which i'd have a sesh of self bashing so that i dont make the same mistakes again in the following year..
but i must say...i dont always learn my lesson tho..

lets say for studies...
when i take to account of how i have been...i'm probably still the same la...
- a lazy ass to the max...
- pro #1 procrastinator...
- last minute studying *always*
*even if i start studying early, the 'mood' wouldnt kick in yet
(i think i shud have gotten someone to kick me instead)

but despite all this...i'd say that i haven't been a failure..but just average...
this is wat will annoy me - the fact that i can/cud have done better...
and on top of this, i have my parents who will be expecting top line result...
nothing must be below A's...even average is also not acceptable...
*average-ness = something my parents have severe aversion to (it doesnt fail to surprise me tho...worse still  when they LOVE compare with other ppl sumore...sheesh)

studies aside...
i'd say i'm still a lazy bum in the house...
yeah, i'm a pathetic excuse of an INDIAN GAL!!
note: indian + gal = perfect example of a kuthu vizhakku
unfortunately, i'm more of the kutthuRe vizhakku...
but i wont say that, i cant help it...it's in my nature...i'm born like this...yada yada yada...

all that is bullshit! =P

i noe i can change the way i want to...but it all boils down to my sheer n immense laziness..
yeah, im an epitome for that... \m/
but anyways...i dun care abt that..cos for me, it's always been this way >>
i will work for something when i want to...simple as that...
so when im at home...basically i have nothing to do so...so why bother...its not like im gonna get paid for any of the housework i do right? =P
*i like incentives :P
plus, im basically conserving my energy for other more useful times
(like staying late, chatting with frens, editing photos so that they look more pro...etc etc)

but i digress...
the main purpose is that, when i do this kinda reminiscing/regretting..
i realise that i am kinda like doing 'accounts'...or taking stock of the remains...
of the happenings of the year...

liabilities vs assets
untung vs rugi...
whatever u name it la...

and what i usually learn from this depends on each year...
some years have had a good share of experiences...some bad...horrible even...
so when i do this...i take notes to make sure that the following year will be better (if it has been bad)
or have something similar (if it was good year)...

________________________________________________________

so, taking stock of 2011...
doing in progression of months...

Jan
Good start...i was enrolled to study in KL...all plans were set...and i was settling into the new accomodation with my best mates =)

Feb
I received a bad bad news that we were migrating...on my birthday weekend :(
and i was told that were moving in March...so i was asked to drop out from uni..to continue overseas...
5 days later i get the news that i would be moving much later... fml

Mar
i had shifted back home..i was sad cos i was leaving my frens and my studying life...i was pretty scared cos i  didnt noe what to expect anymore...plus, staying home with a family like mine, trust me...i'd rather pay and lived in cramped conditions than be at home...

Apr
no news yet...i was cooped up at home most of the time...

May
finally they said we were moving in June...so time to get packing and start all the farewell..

June
flying off..it was one of the saddest days...even tho i shud have been grateful for being blessed to study overseas...i'd say the blessing was a curse for me...still is...

July
found out that i didnt have to wait till 2012 to start uni...and i got enrolled to a uni near my place...thankfully they allowed credit transfer...*that meant that my previous year of studying wouldnt go to waste*
but sadly, i couldnt get into psychology..

Aug
found that 1 years worth of cred is only worth 1 SEM in this uni...gahh!!
and worse still...i got rejected for the local study loans...

Sept
kept myself occupied with assignments, frends, tests...
*the one good thing was that i had my old schoolmate who was studyin in the same uni...and thanks to her, i met a great bunch of malaysian students...that kept my hopes alive and to survive*

Oct
stress outs for exams and final submissions of assignments..

Nov
the week of exams...and the beginning of HOLS!!
but frm here onwards....i also discovered alot of gaping holes in my education/career path...
i got pretty crushed...i'm still reeling from it...and i'm hoping to make changes...
even if it means to sacrifice some things n r'ships...
but i'm gonna refrain from stating what are my plans...

if there's one i have learnt this year is..
that if u want something and u have a strong opposition despite in the deepest depths of heart u noe that's the right thing for u...u do it...and then u announce it..

because, learning the hard way...i had told of my intentions and i was pretty much bombarded and loaded on with much emotional blackmail n guilt trips....trust me...the feelings are always horrible...
and it makes u agree to stuff that u will regret...FOR LIFE!
i have learnt this lesson for a lifetime >>  do it/prove it...then talk!
till then, STFU... :P
overall..it's been quite a disappointing year...but i'll leave the final for summary in end of the month..

and so ends the pre-stock take for 2011...


adioz
~shakti~